Plastic values

MJ in his early days

We should resist the impulse to suppress heavy negativity. Instead, continue noticing heavy negativity—without judging it—and intensely focus on how it makes the body feel, especially in the lower abdomen. Calling the type of negativity we’re experiencing by its name, such as anger, despair, or jealousy, deepens our awareness of it. This process can be painful. Smiling, resting the tongue on the roof of the mouth, and gentle sacral breathing help us ride the waves of emotion. The more we notice negativity without judgment, the more space we create around it, gradually melting it into Presence. 

∞

Recently, my wife told me one morning as we were waking up that she was feeling self-conscious about wrinkles and considering getting cosmetic procedures.

The alpha me would have said that I empathized with how aging changes the body, asked if she had any procedures in mind, and told her we could talk about it more later, perhaps over a hot cup of spiced black tea while I stroked her hair and rubbed her feet. Alpha Me doesn’t always show up first thing in the morning, especially the last several weeks since I had to give up coffee, and he didn’t show up then. The version of me that showed up belittled my wife for thinking about putting poison in her body, and then belittled her friends when she told me they do it, too.

We argued for the next 20 minutes, making loud noises at each other with attendant hand gestures but not conversing or connecting. While our mouth noises were loud, they may as well have been “wah wah wah wah wah” like we were grownups on Charlie Brown. We resembled the drunken couples I often see fighting outside the lively bar across the street from our crib, and we shared a nature with the beasts I often watch on nature documentaries. 

My wife and I aren’t quite Bobby and Whitney, but our relationship is a roller coaster ride. Fortunately, I love roller coasters. Sometimes, though, they make me sick. The part of the ride I share with my wife that makes me sick is where many of our arguments go from having different viewpoints to threatening to split up faster than it takes to ride a roller coaster at a state fair carnival. And those aren’t long rides.

As our argument reached the sick point, it hit me that I have a strong affinity for Michael Jackson, the King of Pop and Cosmetic Procedures, and that sometimes I tune into him on a soul level. Including the dark stuff.

I’m a mystic empath, and sometimes I tune into people’s vibrations so strongly that it’s like I go into their soul. The Universe usually tells me to stay in my spiritual lane, so I do. I practice the stuff I wrote about in my second book, Good Vibes, daily to stay out of folks’ heads and stay present in the here and now. 

But in those moments, I went there with MJ and tuned into his feelings surrounding cosmetic procedures and self-image. I went into his soul. I know I’m not supposed to do that, but I did it anyway. The vibes I felt brought me to the fetal position and made me cry like a baby for several painful minutes. 

I saw I had it in me to do everything MJ did to his beautiful face. I suffered from brutal cystic acne from my teens deep into adulthood, and I still get breakouts. I’ve been mega vain since I started getting zits, and I freak out when I break out. I see how people admire me when I’m not broken out, and I love receiving the good vibes they send just because I present as I do. I can’t get enough of the warm, tingling sensation I feel throughout my body when folks throw me love. I drink it up. And it doesn’t make me feel good when I think people are looking at my zits instead of sending me good vibes, even though I know no one really cares about my zits but me and my meathead best friend who likes to cap on me about them.

If there were a poison I could inject into my face that would make my zits go away once and for all, I’d sign up in a heartbeat. Even if it cost racks on racks, and there was a chance it would permanently lighten my skin. Well, depending on how light we’re talking. I could go about as light as Kid from Kid ’n Play, but I’m not voluntarily going lighter than that, even if it meant I could cancel my ProActiv membership. 

MJ also suffered from debilitating cystic acne. As that was getting worse, he was also developing vitiligo. He suffered intense pain from constantly being in front of the camera and crowds as his appearance was changing, and his dad and his brothers capping on him about it all the time made it way worse. Poor Michael thought that God was turning him into a monster, and punishing him for being a star and loving it. 

As his vitiligo progressed, he thought God was turning him into a white person. Or something else. And he leaned into it, started looking less human, and a part of him forgot his humanity. Some cosmetic procedures he underwent that changed the shape of his facial features and the tone of his skin also helped with the acne. 

Going into Michael’s soul caused me intense pain, and I got stuck there for a minute. My wife sat over me, performed energy work to help me get back into my body, and spoke in light language. Eventually, I snapped out of it. I got the message loud and clear that I’m really not supposed to go into people like that, even people no longer embodied in this three-dimensional experience we’re sharing.

When I came to, I realized that my strong affinity for MJ colored my perspective on cosmetic procedures without me even knowing, and that I have some heavy negativity to process and work through.

I’m not in a position to weigh in on what my wife or anyone else wants to do regarding cosmetic procedures until I sit with my negativity about that and my self-image. Perhaps where I’ll land is that it’s not my place to weigh in on what others do with their bodies where it doesn’t concern me.